Something New
by MaryLouise1996
Summary: "Fourteen months later and someone new catches your attention. His self-confidence, the way he laughs and his crazy messy hair that you love to hate draw you to him." James/Lily Oneshot


Something New

It's been so long since you've felt anything, really.

You had been hurt one too many times and that part of you sort of shut down.

There were the friends who left you. Dropped you like a hot potato when someone better came along. There were the other people who hid your friendship from their other friends, like it was something to be ashamed of – like you were something to be ashamed of.

The last straw was probably Daniel. He came along with his carroty hair and you liked him – really liked him, probably more than you had liked anyone – and then one day he asks you out and you're so excited because you had to watch him go out with someone else for about a week and it was agony but now he's all yours because she dumped him and now he likes you. You don't want to rose-tint it for yourself – it never would have worked anyway. You were awkward around each other and didn't know what to say to each other and (_damn it_) he was a bad kisser, but even so, _he was yours._

You broke up with him in the end, when it all became too awkward, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt when you found out a few weeks later that he'd gone back to his ex. You didn't realise how much it hurt until months later.

You had become de-sensitized. You still laughed, and loved, and cried, and sighed, but it was all on the surface. It barely made ripples in your subconscious thoughts and, although you didn't realise it, you were listless, floundering under the pressure to feel something, _anything. _

The most notable difference was your lack of crushes. The Libra in your personality finds the good in everyone and you find yourself liking this person for this trait or that person for another, but it all stopped. You didn't even notice until six or maybe eight months later, but you had one minor passing fancy in all of that time, on a funny boy you met on holiday. It's not like you and when you realised, you were shocked.

It took you a year, but you finally begin to get over the thing you never realised had even affected you. Your whole outlook on life changed as you accepted your weaknesses and decided to throw them to the wind. You're stronger than this and you don't – shouldn't – care. Colours look brighter, jokes become funnier, and the bonds of your friendships are strengthened. You gain some self-confidence and find it in you to talk to new people and make new friends.

Fourteen months later and someone new catches your attention. His self-confidence, the way he laughs and his crazy messy hair that you love to hate draw you to him. He's good looking, easy to talk to and funny, and for the first time in a long time you find yourself trying to look extra nice and hoping that he'll be in the common room when you have a free lesson. It feels nice to be excited and to feel those flutters in your tummy after such a long time.

Part of you is holding back and you know it. What if something happens? What if you get hurt again? You don't want to end up back on square one. You know it would be harder to pick yourself up.

The other part of you, though, is shouting _go for it!_ If you never let yourself feel like this then you can never have a relationship. If you're always too cautious about who you give your heart to then you'll end up not giving it to anybody. You need to trust yourself and take the leap into liking somebody.

You know there's a high chance that the feeling won't be reciprocated in the end and that you might end up hurt, but there's also the chance that it could be the start of something fabulous and new and exciting. You might spend more time with him and decide you'd rather be friends, but part of you isn't willing to give up on the chance of even just a friendship just yet. Maybe you owe it to yourself to put yourself out there, after so many months of tucking yourself away in a corner of your own mind. Maybe you need to take a leap and find out what else is swimming about.

You don't know what you're going to do just yet, but that's okay. It's okay to feel uncertain. It's like you're learning to walk again after an accident. To begin with you will be wobbly and will lose your nerve and sit back down in the comfort of the wheelchair that has protected you – but that doesn't mean you don't want to be free of that wheelchair, with time and patience so that you don't do yourself more damage and force yourself to remain in the wheelchair for even longer. You will do it in your own time. As soon as possible you will be running and jumping and appreciating your freedom even more for having been constrained, and you know it will be beautiful.

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**AN**I know, I haven't uploaded in months and everything. I wrote this in a fit of emotion and it may or may not be the re-opening of my creative juices, or something, but we'll all have to wait and see :) I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know!

P.s. It could really be applied to any ship, but I picture it as Lily and James (or me and the guy I like WAIT WHAT)


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